sisyphean days

NOEL!

2009-12-25T02:09:00.001+07:00

love and pain come in a package

2009-10-16T13:13:00.002+07:00

"Pain and pleasure, like light and darkness, succeed each other." - Laurence Sterne

"People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain!"

Jim Morrison

“Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore; only the life I have lived. The pain now is part of the happiness then.”

Anthony Hopkins

“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.”

Paulo Coelho

“Given the choice between the experience of pain and nothing, I would choose pain”

William Faulkner

“When thought becomes excessively painful, action is the finest remedy”

Salman Rushdie

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love..
Mother Teresa

open my eyes

2009-10-16T12:44:00.003+07:00

i personally think that it is better to have an open relationship nowadays for people my age (17-21). perhaps because commitment kills us. being committed to a particular person (ur boyfriend or girlfriend) is not always means happiness, it brings sadness and fights and issues and sorta stuff u have in a relationship too.
what i mean is that we need to open up ourselves for a bigger better world outside. adventure in life! sometimes i see my friends who spent 80% of their time with their bf/gf and think that they don't need to socialize with friends. they dont care 'as long as i got u, babe'. hey have u ever heard that nothing lasts forever?
i would not leave my friends for a boyfriend, but sometimes i gotta choose, or manage my time for them wisely. cause both need special attentions and i care for both my friends and my boyfriend. when my friends break up, when they got kicked out from home, when they are in troubles, i want to be there for them. after all, ur loved ones are always there for u whenever u needed them.. so why don't treat them the same way?
these days are rough times, and i couldn't really share it with them. so i thought i would share it here with you, strangers :p my love life.
i'm in an open relationship. by this i mean, we're good friends but we love and care for each other madly and deeply, but we know we couldn't go any further than our 'it's complicated' status. main factors are family and other external issues. actually i am doing okay with that, cause i plan to continue my study abroad after i get my degree here and i am not an LDR kind of person.
recently we got some issues. and i don't know if i can handle it..
to be honest,i like him like A LOT and it is kinda hard for me to let go.
my friends don't really approve me being with this particular guy, and this guy doesn't really like my best friends either. they just can't get along well, nothing personal.
things have changed between me and my guy. we don't know if it's gonna be temporary and things will get back to normal, or it will be like this from now on..
time will tell.
and time heals everything..
i'll just go with the flow and see where do we go..
in the meantime
let's enjoy life
making friends, live life to the fullest, give love, share happiness,
see the world!

2009-09-05T00:00:00.003+07:00

hari ini semuanya berjalan dengan sangat menyenangkan. every single thing went as smooth as i planned and i was happy all day long. well i could say that it doesnt happen actually everyday in my life, days like this are special days :)

i am happy for many reasons in life.

my first week of university life turns out to be so much more than fun. yes, it is also a bit tiring, but whoever is in my position right now would definitely agree with me, it was FUN!
i met new friends, new lecturers, learn new stuffs, join clubs :) :) :) it's like im being so excited i almost forgot that there are responsibilities come with it. such as doing assignments, assessments, mid, finals. ughhh.. but i'll deal with that later. no worries. i am a Bob Marley believer. lols
my favorite classes so far are intro to PR, intro to marketing, and philosophy science. havent decide who's gonna be my favorite lecturer, though :)

having new friends is interesting. you know, they all have different characters, different backgrounds, etc. when i was in college in Malaysia last year, students from Indonesia hang out with another Indonesian and the other students are also tend to hang out with their own clique. so there are groups of students, such as indian students, chinese, korean, iranian, local, etc. but here - in my new campus in Jakarta, the atmosphere is a bit different.
seems like we are all friends and related. which is a good thing! yes we do pass smiles to each others on the hall, canteens, lobby, parking area. sometimes even a wave or a short convo.
do we really know each other? i mean i smiled to a girl/guy, ask his/her name, which class are you in, blah blah.. five minutes later, i could forgot most of it. that's how it goes here i think. and the most funny part is that people i contacted through facebook are usually look different in person. we could have talked so much in fb, but i just didnt recognize the face when i actually saw 'em.
haha xD
that was when i came to realize that anything from cyber world is actually unreal unless you had actually meet a person in person. so better be careful i guess. hehe..

oh and there are a few quotes i did note down during the lecture. i'll post it real soon :)

all in all, this week was amazingly fun!

xxoo

IF i were a boy

2009-08-19T20:11:00.002+07:00

just watched a video of Letterman Show : if Britney were the president of the country. it was a funny one though! then i played the song If I Were A Boy by Beyonce in my iTouch.. it gets me thinking.. If I were a BOY.. what would I do? would it be any difference in the way i think/act? is gender really does matter?

well i made a list of 10 things i would do IF suddenly i turned into a boy by any possible possibilities out there! so here it goes..

1. I would smoke weed then run on the street naked, people care less if it's a guy whose running naked, if it's a girl, people would react differently (trust me)

2. Throw pebbles to my girl's window, without breaking it, and sing the most unromantic love song ever.

3. Definitely date Blake Lively.

4. Hit Vegas with my guys!! Woot! What could be more fun than that?!

5. Drink 3 can of cokes then eat 3 triple cheeseburger. Guys can't get fat, can they? Most guys i do know dont get fat.

6. Play those games i could never understand : DOTA, CS, RF etc. I know for some guys it is even more important than girl, isn't it guys?

7. Pee! from a different kinda thing, u know, sorta curious.

8. Get in a bar fight, and win.

9. Get married. Is it that insufferable?

10. I would not take a bath for days. just sleeping and slacking around. what a life!

What would YOU do if you, by any chance, turn into a guy/girl?

my ubercool other blog!

2009-08-18T03:25:00.003+07:00

http://airin-and-the-world.blogspot.com/

it's about my passion to travel around the world!
feel free to check it out and leave some comments.
lotsa love and kisses
Airin

:) :) :)

AW!

2009-08-09T21:56:00.003+07:00

been very busy recently. sounds weird, eh? but my holiday was filled with meeting friends, lunch with A and B, dinner with C and D, blahblahblah. And there was a birthday bash last weekend : my birthday bash! hehehe.. i just turned 18, three more years to hit Vegas. now that's motivating cause i went to Vegas but i can't play or go to clubs cause all of 'em are for people over 21. what's so special being 21?? i am yet to find out haha. so.. this week i hope it will be more time to have fun and less time to prepare for my university life. i've had my orientation last tuesday and in one words : it was so much fun! perhaps the best orientation i've ever had :)
my new friends were nice and friendly (supposedly yes cause we are all communications student :D)
i got into the Teatro group with another 19 freshmen. at first, we didnt talk much. but after a few minutes, we really blend in! our kakak were last year Mr. LSPR and this year Ms. LSPR, they helped us a lot during the orientation. we got to perform at the end of the day and my group came up with a bizzare idea of Mbah Surip (may his beautiful soul rest in peace) and Harry Potter parody. we didnt practice so it all happened spontaneously on stage! i, as the producer and narrator, want to say once again : bravo to all my friends who performed really good that evening.. and suprisingly... we WON the first place! thank God :)the other group also performed at their best that evening. all performances from the other groups was extremely creative and successfully made it an enjoyable show!
as on my birthday, it was even more blast this year. spent the whole night with my lovely and adorable fellas from SMAN 78. no one got drunk, but it was crazy that night i could say. hahaha. we laughed, sang, and talked loudly and we even scream in the middle of the night. we played fireworks just like the way we do on new year's eve. haha.. sorry neighbors, please understand ;)thanks to all my 78 friends who came and also to those who didnt. i just wanna tell you that 'i love you full' all and i will miss our crazy-happy-difficult-struggle-rebel times together! especially the skipping class part. LOL..
oh how we would miss those days so bad!

SUMMER ain't over!

2009-07-20T23:58:00.003+07:00

Hey fellas! I just got back from my summer holiday :) It was a blast! Would love to share it with youuuu hehehe
Me and my family went to the US for a month to spend the summer on some of the West Coast cities. *We LOOVE summer! YEAH*.
My dad is definitely proper to be called a spontaneous person. He told me to apply for the US Visa just about a month before our departure date. It was like 2 years ago when I was accidentaly happened to be the last person told that we're going to Europe. But applying US Visa in my country (Indonesia!) isnt that easy. Lots of people who have the best preparation got rejected. So I was kinda nervous that our Visa Application will be rejected but God really works His way upon us. Our Visa was granted and we even got the 5 year entries. Yihuuu :))

Days of busy preparation started right after that. Booked for hotels, tried to find the best apartment to rent in Los Angeles, rent a car, and stuffs like that. Fortunately, my cousin is working in LA and her boyfriend works in a traveling agency so yeah that helps a LOT! :) *heart you guys

My ultimate funtastic plan was to spend a week in LA then off on a road trip to San Francisco, San Diego, Las Vegas!, and finally..... (tada drumroll) the happiest place on earth... Disneyland!!

Berencana memang gampang, tapi merealisasikannya tentu saja nggak semudah itu. Masalah pun mulai datang... tears.

Firstly, all the hotels i planned to stay were full! We (my cousin n I) had to recheck the list and find more hotels which will be available during my visit dates. Hilton was all full and the one in SF even triple their price due to a convention held during my visit. Sigh. And we have to book two rooms cause there are five of us :
Secondly, the apartment rentals were fully booked! The houses on Santa Monica, where I really wanted to stay have all been booked like six months before. That's why you better prepare really early if u want to get the best deal babes.
Thirdly, My PROM NIGHT was on 6th July! which means I have to get back before that date. I have to go to prom. prom is an important night of a girl's life, i cannot missed that and i wont. But the return ticket was printed July 13. Gosh I know that my dad would get mad if he knew. (So i talked to mom :p)
And the problems went on and on..

But relax! I know that 'we got situation here' will turn out to be 'everything's okay' at the end of the day :) Remember that hard things are put in our way not to stop us but to call out our courage and strength (i found that somewhere when i was reading something)

So first problem was eventually solved! My sister's boyfriend even got us some best deals, especially on the hotel in Anaheim. Ha! And the one we stayed at San Francisco wasn't bad either although the parking was full and we had to walk a bit. Las Vegas' hotels were awesome! we managed to get us rooms at Wynn and Palazzo. I know, those are wonderful hotels with great rooms, decorations, shopping arcades, casino, clubs, bars, oh and buffets :)
Then my sister found this lovely three rooms apartment on Beverly Hills which is on Arnaz Drive. Yes, it is only one block from Robertson Boulevard. Kitson - time to shop! xx And its pretty near to Santa Monica, my favorite spot in LA. The place was clean and tidy and decorated with cute stuff. Thanks for the owner of the apartment and my sister! Hugs hugs.
And daddy finally changed the return ticket to July 5. Yeay! Thanks to my wonderful mom! Btw I'm not really close with my dad sometimes I even scare or feel nervous to talk to him. Don't get it wrong I'm not scared because he's freak or something. It's just that I respect him. Too much respect like a soldier respects his commandant or a student respect his professor. LOL i don't know how to compare it but you kno what i mean right. But I know he loves me even though he got his own way of showing it like almost always give me what i want and let me do things i like.

That, was just the beginning of my trip. The hectic days of preparation. Ehm, i was bit confused to decide what clothes to bring. So i just packed like 24 outfits on my pretty big blue suitcase. Who's been with me since last year, Hi suitcase. I'll share the rest with you all later on mmmkay? Thanks for reading! xx

Off to bed.

tattoo anyone?

2009-04-27T23:57:00.001+07:00

i cant help it.
my skin is itching for a tattoo!
so here i am now. yelping for the best place to get my tattoo done (though i haven't really sure im going to ink cause someone's gonna be really piss)
my heart fell for james spencer biggs for those art in black-and-white and jason schroder for those BEAUTIFUL COLORS you put in all of your creation. you guys made awesome pieces! wait, correction. all of incognito artists are great! taylor, adrian sanchez, tim forbus. i love you guys :D
im planning to get an eye tattoo, considering that i wanna see the world, and a beautiful lil bird, which symbolize my dreams of freedom.
gosh im so excited :D
i feel like goin to bed but this incognito stuff and polyvore keep me awake like a bad little owl on that friggin tattoo.

ordinary day

2009-04-27T18:18:00.000+07:00

Morning has just fade to the heat of noon. Still in my bed lazying around on this lovely Monday. Feels so relieved that I woke up and found out that today I don’t have to do my exam cause it’s over. Went downstairs and had my coffee cold. Eat some melons, add some milk to my cold coffee. Checked my javelin and I laughed to read a message from my cousin, she dreamed of me and Aike coming over to her casa. Which is in LA! Lols that’s thousands of miles away but hey who knows I’ll probly get my visa in like one week from now. Just pray and hope for the best that could happen cause we (me, Aike, and my cousin) are soooo excited to spend this summer together

Woooohoo there’s a remix of umbrella song on the radio. Dance dance dance.. told u I’ll be here forever said I’ll always be your friend.. dance dance.. under my umbrella e e e.. lols :D

Yeah so today I skipped my four classes straight. Got a singing class at 4 though. After I post this notes I’ll go out for lunch, go to my singing class then probly go out to meet some friends and have an early dinner. Go back home, spending time with mi familia, do some reading, make some phone calls, then go to sleep. And tomorrow I’ll wake up and do almost the same activity, the same routine.

well somehow I am now feeling like a modern (girl) version of Sisyphus.

at certain point in my life I get bored I feel like there’s no point in these things I do every day. sometimes i feel tired and i just wanna stop doing the same things and make today doesn't end just like any other days. like how I skipped my classes today and go somewhere or do something spontaneously to make a difference. Yea I like doing things spontaneously, out of the blue i just make an unpredictable decisions. I usually don’t make plans cause things turn out be more interesting when you don’t know what's gonna happen next

I just gave a thought of it and actually.. I don’t need to do these stuffs I do every day, rite? Let’s just say that if today I feel like going to Bali why don’t I just set off for a day or two and go back. It’s not gonna make things turn out bad, is it? We can do things out of our routine, out of our habits, and make things turn out better. Like when my dad came home and bring flowers for my mama, that's surprising and it makes her happy. and not just her, I do too.

my friend just came to pick me up and now we are going out for lunch. I gotta go now. Write again soon, have a magical day fellas :)

choose!

2009-04-24T21:35:00.000+07:00

i finally learn that when u trust in your true self and believe that what you are doing is right, then just go on.
go ahead doing things that is right to do.
that you want to do.
:)

i came to this conclusion after a week with so many things to deal with and decisions to be made, and a week working on my national final exam which is done today. (yea! partaaaay! lols)
on UAN, many students felt like they couldn't make it pretty well to pass. to be honest, that happened to me too on the first day. some of my friends had even gave the thought of cheating. lols. as high school students yea we definitely cheat on tests and quizzes. but not on this national exam cause this is a serious matter kid (gosh sounds like my econs teacher now haha) we are supposed to do our best, right?
you know what, i think its a sensitive topic to talk about uan now. just skip that dull part speaking of to cheat or not to cheat. cause it is dull, and cause some students from another high schools were caught cheating. so, yea i better stop now haha.
what i wanna say is that during my exam i made choices that are really my own decission. you can have all the suggestions and answers in the world and people telling you what to choose in your life. but keep in mind that your life is all yours to live.
at the end of the day i am standing proud and satisfied because of choosing what i believe is the right choice. and even though later i might find out that its not, then there would be no regret cause i did what i wanted to not because i am told, or even worst, forced to do so.
if you dont know whether what you're goin to do is right or wrong, you can use this simple 'methods' i use. if it doesnt give any harm to the earth or to others, then you can Do that. if it makes any good and it can harm others, then: Dont. simple, isnt it? *smilesss*

NOW is the best time to choose.

think simple and easy. and life will be greatly fun. because to live is to enjoy..

ttys ;)

wish u luck

2009-04-19T17:14:00.000+07:00

well done.
i am finally here, at this significant point of my life. after three years *two and a half year for me :p* spent on doing school assignments, projects, forgotten homework. stuffs that most of us never even do by ourselves, most of the time we just copy it from friends or from the internet, am saying it right? lols. i went over exams. friends that i had, friends that i missed. all things that i've be through gave me so much to learn.
tomorrow is the big day for the national examination in Indonesia or commonly said UAN. what is so special about this is that three years of our suffering and struggling in high school will be determined by our UAN score. well it basically is a five-days test and we're gonna have six subjects on the exam. for me and other social students this would be : maths, english, bahasa, geography, economics, sociology. in my school we have had intensive lessons since like last month so yeah i am quite prepared (i bet you figured cause i still have plenty of time writing this. lol.) not all high school in indo is prepared, though. last year there are sooo many students (especially from the small cities and towns) who couldn't make it on UAN. like hundreds of students failed. fortunately, no one has ever failed from my school. so i am not quite sure whether i should be relieve or feel it as a burden. haha.
i just merely hope that all of my friends would pass this national exam successfully and with the score they wish to achieve. ora et labora. pray for it and, of course, you should learn and do your best, mi amigos
this will be just a week. let us spend a week in agony then we're gonna have a loooong days to celebrate. parties, sunshines, butterflies. the world will be there waiting for us :)

good luck y'all!

semangat!